I Was Never Happy

Do you still remember?

The words you utter,

Those words speak out of anger,

Those words that made me suffer.

–

I remember well,

Almost too well,

That your words were like a dark spell,

Cursing my heart to feel like hell.

–

I tried to let those words slide,

And keep myself occupied,

But at night those thoughts in my head collide,

That even my mind is not on my side.

–

Maybe because your words were so intense,

That my brain couldn’t deliberate a defense.

Like it all made a perfect sense,

And start to question my whole existence.

–

“I’m sorry” that’s all I can say,

Sorry for making it turned out that way,

Sorry to be the cause of your dismay,

Sorry in your troubles that’s how I repay.

–

But I just hope that you know,

That I’m also at woe,

And those awful words you bestow,

Will forever be my heart’s cargo.

–

You never knew how I look forward to that night,

Because finally in my darkest days there’s light,

But like a bug attracted to the light,

I never knew that my heart will ignite.

–

Then you asked me if I was happy?

How could I be?

If you only knew how I felt so crappy,

That I just want to flee.

–

If I’m not there will it happen?

If I’m not there will you be happier then?

Maybe if I’m not there those words weren’t spoken,

Maybe if I’m not there my heart won’t be broken.

–

But sadly there I was,

Showing my hateful flaws,

That chaos I was the cause,

And hurtful words uttered without a pause.

–

It hurts me knowing those words were the view,

On what kind of person I was to you.

I just thought you understood what I was going through,

Sorry for expecting too much from you.

–

Just know I was never happy,

Before then until now I’m in misery.

How could I be happy?

When knowing I’m your pain hurts me.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Photo Credits to the owner